Humors

2005

Engineer and Manager

Thu, Dec 15, 2005

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The man below says: “Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees N. latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees W. longitude.”

2003

You Know You're From Maryland When

Mon, Dec 15, 2003

• You know more than 10 people who own boats and they all park them at the same marina in Annapolis
• You can pronounce and spell “Pocomoke,” “Mattaponi,” “Accokeek,” and “Havre de Grace”
• You prononce “Bowie” BOO-ie not BOW-ie or BAUW-ie
• 1 hour is an easy commute to work
• You have more than three recipies for crabcakes
• French fries just don’t taste right without Old Bay
• There are more than two crab places in your town
• Even your high school cafeteria made good crabcakes
• You got your first lacrosse stick before you were six years old
• You call all turtles “terrapins”
• You refer to your state as “Merlind”
• Your mother shops at Hecht’s
• You still call Six Flags America “Adventure World”, or even “Wild World”
• You still remember the Wild World commercial (Wild World’s the cure for the summertime blues!)
• You can tell the difference between the smells of septic and marsh.
• You not only know how to eat hard crabs but you also know how to catch them, cook them and tell the males from the females.
• You don’t think that Assawoman Bay is a strange name for a body of water.
• You know perfectly well why Rehoboth is called “Little San Francisco”
• M R Ducks makes perfect sense.
• So does C M Wangs.
• You think Salisbury is a big city.
• You think of dumplings as wet slippery squares of boiled dough.
• You and your boss take off of work when the fish are running or the ducks are flying in..
• You’ve eaten muskrat at a church dinner but think it’s better the way you fix it.
• You think of “Dairy Queen” as a pageant title and not a place to get an ice cream.
• “Formal wear” is a ball cap, a flannel shirt and Timberlands.
• You still root for the Orioles even when they suck
• You’ll never understand why tourists come to DC.
• When in Florida, you can only laugh when you see signs saying “Real Maryland Blue Crab Cakes!”
• You color with “Crowns”, take a “Share” with “Wooter” and think the president lives in “Warshenton.”
• You know the difference between Glen Burnie ghetto and Catonsville ghetto.
• Your whole family lives within a 200 mile radius of your town.
• Dale Earnhardt’s accident was a close personal loss to your father
• At least one man in your family is a waterman
• You plan for “The Festival” a year in advance.
• During the summer, you spend more time in Ocean City than at home.
• Margret Heater, Hedspace, Jepetto, Outside Joke and Mary Prankster are people you think are “Famous”
• Your radio dial is stuck on 99.1
• You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Maryland.

2002

Email Error

Sun, Dec 15, 2002

A lesson to be learned from typing the wrong e-mail address! A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon. Because of hectic lives, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, sent the e-mail. Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail expecting messages from family and friends. After reading the message, she screamed and fainted. The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

2001

Relationship Style as Programming Language

Sat, Dec 15, 2001

gleaned with respect from http://maradydd.livejournal.com/293666.html

C: You are a paranoid schizophrenic who spends most of your time confused about which type you should be, convinced that blatantly false things are true because your extreme efficiency leaves no room for sensible error checking. Moreover your terseness encourages people to interact with you badly, providing incomplete and ambiguous instructions for which you nevertheless come up with a legal interpretation, even though most of the time it is completely nonsensical. People come to you because you promise them simplicity, not realising that below the surface you’re a rat’s nest of issues. In the end you are always abandoned for someone like C++ or Python.

TASK: Shoot yourself in the foot

Fri, Jun 15, 2001

TASK: Shoot yourself in the foot.

C: You shoot yourself in the foot.

C++: You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can’t tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, “That’s me, over there.”

FORTRAN: You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue with the attempts to shoot yourself anyway because you have no exception-handling capability.